I am sorry I bother you again. This is a desperate attempt to reach out for help. Me and Alia, we both really need help. And, given how much you mean for Alia, you would be able to help, better than pretty much anybody else. Bry, Alia did not have a change of heart or is just too young and does not know what she is doing. Something went really wrong with her and she lost all mental balance. Alia is not in good mental health. Please believe me Bry, I was there and saw it happening. In fact, Alia has been diagnosed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Alia was seduced and tricked by some asshole playboy in Cape Town. You are right Alia is young and very immature; also very passionate. Alia could not help to desperately fall in love with that asshole, to the point she decided to give up our marriage for him. Then, she found he was all fake and there was nothing there. Given how fundamental her marriage was for her, I am sure it was really painful for her to realize she had been fooled to give up her marriage and then find herself hanging in emptyness. Yes, it must have been really traumatic. Alia was not able to endure it and broke down. As a matter of fact, Alia said she tried to commit suicide in Cape Town You know well Alia is a delicate person and needs a lot of love. She must have thought, after she had betrayed me, I would never love her again the same way; she concluded her marriage was over. You will remember how depressed and lonely Alia was feeling those first months after she came back from Cape Town in Spring 2016. It is really very sad, because I have always been ready to forgive her. I have always thought I should understand we all may have a minute of stupidity. Unfortunately, Alia has never seen it that way. Instead, I guess in order to find some relief from the pain and remorse she felt inside, she started twisting it all and look for ways to put all the blame on me. That has been the worst part, because, by doing so, Alia has hurt me immensely; to the point that I fell in depression myself and started being bad to my eye, by taking some drops I knew were not in good condition. That has caused me to lose almost all the little eye-sight I used to have. Alia has become evil. The issue with Alia is not a relationship problem; it is a mental health problem.
Last, April, while I was in New York visiting eye-doctors to have surgery with, Alia started contacting me, threatening she would dump all my stuff kept in our old house, if I do not get it out in 30 days. I finally had my first surgery last September. My mother told her about it, but she never called or expressed any interest to know how I was. Instead, she went to the bank and withdraw all the money I had in my MFCU account. Anyway, as soon as I found a couple of free weeks between post-op, follow-up appointments, I came to Missoula to find some conclusion with Alia: Both, in terms of possibly filing for divorce and getting my stuff out. However, when I went to the house (because I had no other way to communicate with Alia), she totally freaked out, closed the door before my nose and called police on me, as I was going to kill her. Later she filed for an order of protection, accusing me of some really horrible things that, supposedly, I had done to her all throughout our marriage.
Alia is now saying I brutally physically and psychologically abused her throughout our marriage. She now came up with four incidents where, supposedly, I brutally hit her. In one of them, for example, supposedly I grabbed her head and slamed it against the asphalt. A couple of weeks ago, we went to the hearing for the judge to decide whether to extend the temporary order of protection. I asked Alia why she had not said a word about all that abuse until just now. She answered, back then, she was embarrassed to admit her marriage was not going well. She also explained, "due to all that psychological abuse, all those incidents had been wiped out from her memory. It was only that one year ago she had this flashback, where she remembered this fight in Monaco. The hearing was very disturbing; I would say terrifying. I brought a whole stack of emails and letters showing Alia's story just does not make any sense; but the judge had no interest to look at a single page. Rather, she fully believed Alia's lies and granted the extension of the order of protection. For example, in one of those emails, In Spring 2016, one month after she left me in Cape Town, Alia wrote me admiting she had "played a huge part in starting and exarcerbating the fights" throughout our marriage and she "had been an asshole to me", but if I thought I had not done anything wrong, I would be as wrong as she was and I needed to find something to apologize about. I do not know how anybody who has been brutally abused for the previous six years, could write something like that. She was not mentioning any abuse I may have put her through during our marriage, as a possible reason to apologize about. It could not be that she was embarrassed at that time her marriage was not going well, since she wrote that after she had already broken up with me. In that email she comments on our fight in Monaco, so the 'memory wipe-out and later flashback' thing does not justify the omission of all abuse as one of the reasons why she had left me. Alia claims her mother witnessed one of the four incidents she listed as examples of my abuse. Clearly Robyn should have been aware of all that abuse since Alia and I lived in the apartment underneath hers. Yet, during our trip through Africa there are these messages where Robyn keeps saying she loves me very much. I wonder how a mother may be able to love the kind of asshole who she knows had been brutally abusing her only child for so many years. It just does not make any sense. Alia lies are grotesque.
As a matter of fact, you know Alia is clearly not the kind of girl who would take any abuse. Quite the opposite, Alia 'needs' to be in control. It needs to go her way or she will make your day miserable; she would go crazy.
I hope you will agree with me, somebody who lies and makes the false accusations Alia has made against me, must be either an evil asshole or plain sick. I have been with Alia 24/7 for six years and I know she is not evil. She is clearly mentally sick. This is even more obvious considering she had no motivation for her course of actions during these last couple of years, since all what she has done to our marriage and to me has not brought any kind of improvement to her life. Rather the opposite: she gave up being married to a man who loved her, traveling all over the world, having the freedom to choose what to do in life, where on Earth to live and what to work on. Instead now she is back on drugs and alcohol, burried in debt and living with a drug addict, who has no education and has abandoned his three children. Somebody who just cannot offer her any future. When I first met Alia in Spring 2010, she told me how she dreamed with traveling the world, going to graduate school, building a family with many intelligent children with an intelligent father. She has given all that up. She has thrown her life down a cliff.
Alia and I shared the most beautiful times: we traveled across Africa, the Norwegian Fjords, the Swiss Alps, the Greek Islands, Sicily, Mexico, Portugal, Romania... We went to Vienna, Casablanca, Venice, Istanbul, Cancun, Paris, Salzburg, Prague, Marrakesh, Budapest, Amsterdam, New York City, Florence, Dibrovnik, Seville... we saw zebras, giraffes and rhinos in Namibia, the Eiffel Tower, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, the Sistine Chapel, Chichen Itza, Tikal, Palenque, the Berlin Wall, the Parthenon, the Louvre, the Rome Colisseum, the Alhambra Palace, Cappadocia, Pompey, the Metropolitan Museum, Notre Dame, the Uffizi Museum, the Mosque-Cathedral of Cordoba, etc. etc. etc. All those memories will haunt Alia. Life is very long and sooner or later she will wake up.. One day, sooner or later, she will open up her eyes and her reflection on the mirror will hit her. Then, the image she will see will be horrifying. Sooner or later her hate against me will ware out and will no longer be strong enough to power her up and get her through the day. One day, sooner or later, she will no longer find her current boyfriend that awesome; among other reasons, because he really isn't. That day Alia will be horrified to remember all what she did, all what she had and all what she kill. That day Alia will be horrified to see her evil image. That day she will be horrified to remember all what she did to her marriage, all what she did to me. That day Alia will feel like dying.
Bry, I am very worried about Alia. She used to have suicidal thoughts all through her teenage years. She said she already tried to take her life in Cape Town. Her biological father commited suicide when she was one and a half years old. She used to say she felt she was cursd and feared she would not outlive her father. Back in 2010, at the same time she was telling me she wanted to "fucking marry" me right then and there, she would also say she had the deep fear one day she would betray me, "although she did not want that to happen". Well... eventually she did betray me and kill our marriage. For some wierd reason she has always felt a twisted and sick attraction for all those macabrer concepts. Throughout our marriage she told me so many times: "I hate myself!, I hate myself!". I always thought she was being manipulative. Nobody hates herself and Alia is certainly no exception. She is actually very egocentric. She would even say she was a narcisist. But I am ready to believe she would actually feel awful and hate the fact she was using all those macabre concepts to manipulate people. I fear one day she will hate herself too much and feel too awful. The issue here is not a relationship problem; it is a mental health problem.
I know you all have said I should accept her decision and forget her. but the way I see it is like if she had been abducted by some sect. When I read the emails she wrote me in 2010, I see a girl who was completely lost. Her teenage years had been a total hell. She had been a single child and the first and only grandchild for her entire childhood. She was used to receive so much love from her family during her childhood. She still needed love as a teenager. She needed the whole world to love her. She needed so badly to be popular; but she wasn't. She did everything possible to look cool, including doing drugs, but she was just one more in a million. When she met me, "she got totally enamoured with me". she found in me the way out of that hell she felt herself in. She needed to marry me right then and there. On our wedding I swore I would love her and take care of her in health and illness, in wealth and poverty, in happiness and sorrow... for the rest of our lives. I meant those words.I was overwhelmed with her love to me. I had never felt something like that. I felt blessed with her love. Unavoidably, I have felt and still feel very angry for all what she has hurt me since Cape Town, but it breaks my heart to see her throw her life down a cliff. Like if she had been abducted by a sect, I just could not abandone her: I swore I never would
Unfortunately, there is now nothing I can do to help her; at least nothing directly. She gets head over heels at the slightest sight of me. Now I am not even allowed to get 1500 feet near her, call her or email her.
Bry, you are absolutely right Alia is not the kind of person who would welcome the slightest suggestion. In my whole life I have nowhere met anybody who would hate to such an extent to receive the tiniest piece of advice. As you said, she takes that as the most violent attack to her freedom. As a matter of fact, if I ever made the slightest suggestion to her, she would get totally mad at me and scream it was insulting I would question her intelligence. I have always felt her intolerance for any advice was an expression of her obsession for control. Her mother has always allowed and supported her doing everything she felt like, under the assumption Alia is very intelligent, always knows what she is doing and therefore we should always respect her decisions. Then, if anybody ever gave the tiniest piece of advice, as it would be something that she would not know already, it was taken like her intelligence had been questioned. Since she had been given total control because of her intelligence,
, she saw a threat to such entitlement for control, whenever anybody questioned her intelligence.
In that way, Alia got spoiled by her mother. Alia always got to do whatever she felt like, but she never received any guidance. Alia always got to do whatever she felt like, but then she started doing drugs when she was only 11, and then she dropped out of school when she was 14. Alia had it really difficult, she never received any guidance, she had to figure it all out herself. She then became the main victim of her wrong decisions, for which she was not prepared. That is what I have always criticized about Alia's mother: in my opinion, the strongest sign of love for somebody is when you are ready to do something you believe will help that person, even when you think that is going to play against you. Fortunately, in life, it generally pays off in the long run to do things the right way. With time you grow up, you mature and you realize what your mother did for you. with time you end up learning to appreciate and value that your mother kept you from making a big mistake, or at least tried, even when she had to endure a lot of hell, because you hated she would not support you. For Alia's disfortune, her mother never saw it that way: Robyn's dream was always to become her daughter's best friend. She never cared that much to be her mother. For Robyn the main concern was always the well-being of the relationship between her and her daughter. She, however, never cared that much for the actual well-being of her daughter. She believed, if she would always support Alia, that would strengthen the relationship between her and her daughter, and Alia would grow to trust her into anything. It did not work like that. As a matter of fact, Alia never thought of Robyn looking for any advice before taking any big decision: when Alia marry me, when she took a leave from college and went traveling with me, when she left me, when she went to Alaska... she never asked for Robyn's point of view. Why had she? She already knew Robyn had supported her decision. Eventually, Robyn started complaining Alia would not respect her. She argued, as her mother, Alia should respect her. Those times, I told Alia, in my opinion, respect is something that always has to be earned; it is actually not something that falls from the sky or comes by itself. Even a parent needs to earn such respect by behaving like a parent. Those days I told Alia, I did not think Robyn should not be that surprise she did not have much respect for Robyn, since Robyn had never been too concerned about being a mother, but Alia's best friend. Well... I guess time showed it was not very smart to criticize Robyn, even when it was to comfort Alia. But then again, it is Alia who will end up paying the highest price.
Bry, you are probably Alia's best friend. You mean a lot to her. I can tell you, when Alia left Trask, to start the relationship with me, she felt everybody disowned her. She had all those friends from childhood; even those friends who had been her friends before they also became Trask's friends; all of them turned their back on Alia. All but a couple: you and Ry. It meant a lot for Alia you did not take your friendship away. Bry, you mean a lot to Alia. I do not think you need me to tell you, Alia needs help and there is a lot you can do to help her. Needless to say, there is also a lot you can do to help me, because I also need help. However, I would not want you to think I am putting all the burden on you. It is not like I am expecting you to fix Alia all by yourself. I have contacted and keep contacting several other people. I am being helped by other people. However, your help would certainly be very important.
I think, to some extend, there is a positive edge in the fact that Alia has taken the whole drama a step further, to start accusing me of having abused her: now it may be a bit easier to make her see she is in denial. Before, all what could be argued was that it could not have been that she had a change of heart. But how could anybody argue with her what her actual feelings are? Now it is different. Now she is saying I brutally abused her and that is in contradiction with all what she said, all what she wrote and all what she did before.
I wonder if you are in Missoula. I am in Missoula for a few more days. I need to go back to the East coast as soon as possible to follow up with the eye surgery I had last September. I also need to have a couple of more surgeries, although I may do that in Spain. I would love to talk to you before I leave Missoula, so I could explain everything a bit better and tell you the different ways I believe you can help.
I hope you would want to help. Thank you for reading this long message.
Happy New Year!
Last, April, while I was in New York visiting eye-doctors to have surgery with, Alia started contacting me, threatening she would dump all my stuff kept in our old house, if I do not get it out in 30 days. I finally had my first surgery last September. My mother told her about it, but she never called or expressed any interest to know how I was. Instead, she went to the bank and withdraw all the money I had in my MFCU account. Anyway, as soon as I found a couple of free weeks between post-op, follow-up appointments, I came to Missoula to find some conclusion with Alia: Both, in terms of possibly filing for divorce and getting my stuff out. However, when I went to the house (because I had no other way to communicate with Alia), she totally freaked out, closed the door before my nose and called police on me, as I was going to kill her. Later she filed for an order of protection, accusing me of some really horrible things that, supposedly, I had done to her all throughout our marriage.
Alia is now saying I brutally physically and psychologically abused her throughout our marriage. She now came up with four incidents where, supposedly, I brutally hit her. In one of them, for example, supposedly I grabbed her head and slamed it against the asphalt. A couple of weeks ago, we went to the hearing for the judge to decide whether to extend the temporary order of protection. I asked Alia why she had not said a word about all that abuse until just now. She answered, back then, she was embarrassed to admit her marriage was not going well. She also explained, "due to all that psychological abuse, all those incidents had been wiped out from her memory. It was only that one year ago she had this flashback, where she remembered this fight in Monaco. The hearing was very disturbing; I would say terrifying. I brought a whole stack of emails and letters showing Alia's story just does not make any sense; but the judge had no interest to look at a single page. Rather, she fully believed Alia's lies and granted the extension of the order of protection. For example, in one of those emails, In Spring 2016, one month after she left me in Cape Town, Alia wrote me admiting she had "played a huge part in starting and exarcerbating the fights" throughout our marriage and she "had been an asshole to me", but if I thought I had not done anything wrong, I would be as wrong as she was and I needed to find something to apologize about. I do not know how anybody who has been brutally abused for the previous six years, could write something like that. She was not mentioning any abuse I may have put her through during our marriage, as a possible reason to apologize about. It could not be that she was embarrassed at that time her marriage was not going well, since she wrote that after she had already broken up with me. In that email she comments on our fight in Monaco, so the 'memory wipe-out and later flashback' thing does not justify the omission of all abuse as one of the reasons why she had left me. Alia claims her mother witnessed one of the four incidents she listed as examples of my abuse. Clearly Robyn should have been aware of all that abuse since Alia and I lived in the apartment underneath hers. Yet, during our trip through Africa there are these messages where Robyn keeps saying she loves me very much. I wonder how a mother may be able to love the kind of asshole who she knows had been brutally abusing her only child for so many years. It just does not make any sense. Alia lies are grotesque.
As a matter of fact, you know Alia is clearly not the kind of girl who would take any abuse. Quite the opposite, Alia 'needs' to be in control. It needs to go her way or she will make your day miserable; she would go crazy.
I hope you will agree with me, somebody who lies and makes the false accusations Alia has made against me, must be either an evil asshole or plain sick. I have been with Alia 24/7 for six years and I know she is not evil. She is clearly mentally sick. This is even more obvious considering she had no motivation for her course of actions during these last couple of years, since all what she has done to our marriage and to me has not brought any kind of improvement to her life. Rather the opposite: she gave up being married to a man who loved her, traveling all over the world, having the freedom to choose what to do in life, where on Earth to live and what to work on. Instead now she is back on drugs and alcohol, burried in debt and living with a drug addict, who has no education and has abandoned his three children. Somebody who just cannot offer her any future. When I first met Alia in Spring 2010, she told me how she dreamed with traveling the world, going to graduate school, building a family with many intelligent children with an intelligent father. She has given all that up. She has thrown her life down a cliff.
Alia and I shared the most beautiful times: we traveled across Africa, the Norwegian Fjords, the Swiss Alps, the Greek Islands, Sicily, Mexico, Portugal, Romania... We went to Vienna, Casablanca, Venice, Istanbul, Cancun, Paris, Salzburg, Prague, Marrakesh, Budapest, Amsterdam, New York City, Florence, Dibrovnik, Seville... we saw zebras, giraffes and rhinos in Namibia, the Eiffel Tower, the Leaning Tower of Pisa, the Sistine Chapel, Chichen Itza, Tikal, Palenque, the Berlin Wall, the Parthenon, the Louvre, the Rome Colisseum, the Alhambra Palace, Cappadocia, Pompey, the Metropolitan Museum, Notre Dame, the Uffizi Museum, the Mosque-Cathedral of Cordoba, etc. etc. etc. All those memories will haunt Alia. Life is very long and sooner or later she will wake up.. One day, sooner or later, she will open up her eyes and her reflection on the mirror will hit her. Then, the image she will see will be horrifying. Sooner or later her hate against me will ware out and will no longer be strong enough to power her up and get her through the day. One day, sooner or later, she will no longer find her current boyfriend that awesome; among other reasons, because he really isn't. That day Alia will be horrified to remember all what she did, all what she had and all what she kill. That day Alia will be horrified to see her evil image. That day she will be horrified to remember all what she did to her marriage, all what she did to me. That day Alia will feel like dying.
Bry, I am very worried about Alia. She used to have suicidal thoughts all through her teenage years. She said she already tried to take her life in Cape Town. Her biological father commited suicide when she was one and a half years old. She used to say she felt she was cursd and feared she would not outlive her father. Back in 2010, at the same time she was telling me she wanted to "fucking marry" me right then and there, she would also say she had the deep fear one day she would betray me, "although she did not want that to happen". Well... eventually she did betray me and kill our marriage. For some wierd reason she has always felt a twisted and sick attraction for all those macabrer concepts. Throughout our marriage she told me so many times: "I hate myself!, I hate myself!". I always thought she was being manipulative. Nobody hates herself and Alia is certainly no exception. She is actually very egocentric. She would even say she was a narcisist. But I am ready to believe she would actually feel awful and hate the fact she was using all those macabre concepts to manipulate people. I fear one day she will hate herself too much and feel too awful. The issue here is not a relationship problem; it is a mental health problem.
I know you all have said I should accept her decision and forget her. but the way I see it is like if she had been abducted by some sect. When I read the emails she wrote me in 2010, I see a girl who was completely lost. Her teenage years had been a total hell. She had been a single child and the first and only grandchild for her entire childhood. She was used to receive so much love from her family during her childhood. She still needed love as a teenager. She needed the whole world to love her. She needed so badly to be popular; but she wasn't. She did everything possible to look cool, including doing drugs, but she was just one more in a million. When she met me, "she got totally enamoured with me". she found in me the way out of that hell she felt herself in. She needed to marry me right then and there. On our wedding I swore I would love her and take care of her in health and illness, in wealth and poverty, in happiness and sorrow... for the rest of our lives. I meant those words.I was overwhelmed with her love to me. I had never felt something like that. I felt blessed with her love. Unavoidably, I have felt and still feel very angry for all what she has hurt me since Cape Town, but it breaks my heart to see her throw her life down a cliff. Like if she had been abducted by a sect, I just could not abandone her: I swore I never would
Unfortunately, there is now nothing I can do to help her; at least nothing directly. She gets head over heels at the slightest sight of me. Now I am not even allowed to get 1500 feet near her, call her or email her.
Bry, you are absolutely right Alia is not the kind of person who would welcome the slightest suggestion. In my whole life I have nowhere met anybody who would hate to such an extent to receive the tiniest piece of advice. As you said, she takes that as the most violent attack to her freedom. As a matter of fact, if I ever made the slightest suggestion to her, she would get totally mad at me and scream it was insulting I would question her intelligence. I have always felt her intolerance for any advice was an expression of her obsession for control. Her mother has always allowed and supported her doing everything she felt like, under the assumption Alia is very intelligent, always knows what she is doing and therefore we should always respect her decisions. Then, if anybody ever gave the tiniest piece of advice, as it would be something that she would not know already, it was taken like her intelligence had been questioned. Since she had been given total control because of her intelligence,
, she saw a threat to such entitlement for control, whenever anybody questioned her intelligence.
In that way, Alia got spoiled by her mother. Alia always got to do whatever she felt like, but she never received any guidance. Alia always got to do whatever she felt like, but then she started doing drugs when she was only 11, and then she dropped out of school when she was 14. Alia had it really difficult, she never received any guidance, she had to figure it all out herself. She then became the main victim of her wrong decisions, for which she was not prepared. That is what I have always criticized about Alia's mother: in my opinion, the strongest sign of love for somebody is when you are ready to do something you believe will help that person, even when you think that is going to play against you. Fortunately, in life, it generally pays off in the long run to do things the right way. With time you grow up, you mature and you realize what your mother did for you. with time you end up learning to appreciate and value that your mother kept you from making a big mistake, or at least tried, even when she had to endure a lot of hell, because you hated she would not support you. For Alia's disfortune, her mother never saw it that way: Robyn's dream was always to become her daughter's best friend. She never cared that much to be her mother. For Robyn the main concern was always the well-being of the relationship between her and her daughter. She, however, never cared that much for the actual well-being of her daughter. She believed, if she would always support Alia, that would strengthen the relationship between her and her daughter, and Alia would grow to trust her into anything. It did not work like that. As a matter of fact, Alia never thought of Robyn looking for any advice before taking any big decision: when Alia marry me, when she took a leave from college and went traveling with me, when she left me, when she went to Alaska... she never asked for Robyn's point of view. Why had she? She already knew Robyn had supported her decision. Eventually, Robyn started complaining Alia would not respect her. She argued, as her mother, Alia should respect her. Those times, I told Alia, in my opinion, respect is something that always has to be earned; it is actually not something that falls from the sky or comes by itself. Even a parent needs to earn such respect by behaving like a parent. Those days I told Alia, I did not think Robyn should not be that surprise she did not have much respect for Robyn, since Robyn had never been too concerned about being a mother, but Alia's best friend. Well... I guess time showed it was not very smart to criticize Robyn, even when it was to comfort Alia. But then again, it is Alia who will end up paying the highest price.
Bry, you are probably Alia's best friend. You mean a lot to her. I can tell you, when Alia left Trask, to start the relationship with me, she felt everybody disowned her. She had all those friends from childhood; even those friends who had been her friends before they also became Trask's friends; all of them turned their back on Alia. All but a couple: you and Ry. It meant a lot for Alia you did not take your friendship away. Bry, you mean a lot to Alia. I do not think you need me to tell you, Alia needs help and there is a lot you can do to help her. Needless to say, there is also a lot you can do to help me, because I also need help. However, I would not want you to think I am putting all the burden on you. It is not like I am expecting you to fix Alia all by yourself. I have contacted and keep contacting several other people. I am being helped by other people. However, your help would certainly be very important.
I think, to some extend, there is a positive edge in the fact that Alia has taken the whole drama a step further, to start accusing me of having abused her: now it may be a bit easier to make her see she is in denial. Before, all what could be argued was that it could not have been that she had a change of heart. But how could anybody argue with her what her actual feelings are? Now it is different. Now she is saying I brutally abused her and that is in contradiction with all what she said, all what she wrote and all what she did before.
I wonder if you are in Missoula. I am in Missoula for a few more days. I need to go back to the East coast as soon as possible to follow up with the eye surgery I had last September. I also need to have a couple of more surgeries, although I may do that in Spain. I would love to talk to you before I leave Missoula, so I could explain everything a bit better and tell you the different ways I believe you can help.
I hope you would want to help. Thank you for reading this long message.
Happy New Year!
